My heart hurts :-(

Written By Mama Kat

I like this new form of communication from you son but damn i just miss you!!!

And i know that if i just feel into the love we share, you’re right here!! And i’m so grateful for that connection my baby. I guess you just never fully knew how much we all loved and thought of you, and missed you all the time. And now you know. And as much as it gives me great comfort to know, you know everything now, it comes at the highest price no parent would ever choose.

I thought i was doing pretty good considering and then days like today come (as have been the last few days) and they stay. And all of a sudden you’re reminded, that you are grieving. And it feels like it too.

Today we’re all together. Trying to keep us together. Looking after your baby sister.

Today i’ve cried. Tears are on cue with my emotions. The house is full and alive. But i’m sad.

I know you didn’t choose this for your life my son. And i know you fought and battled til the end.

Most of all i know you rest now, and i love this for you. We all do! But we miss you so much, all day, every day.

See you in my dreams my forever young, forever handsome Son (i think i’m due for another visit by now aye?) I’ve been doing as i’m told. Almost on cue too…I LOVE YOU.

Mama Kat

I’m a mother navigating life after the loss of my son, Luther.

This space began as a way to speak honestly about grief. Not from the other side of it, but from within it. The changing days, the questions, the exhaustion, the love that remains, and the quiet moments in between.

Through the podcast and journal, I share reflections from this journey in real time. Unpolished. Human. Sometimes heavy, sometimes unexpectedly light, but always real.

If you’ve found your way here through loss, love, or longing, you are welcome here.

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